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Eight in ten parents call themselves their own harshest critic, and more than half feel guilty for the relief they feel when school starts back up. A new survey of 2,000 parents of school-aged kids puts numbers on a feeling a lot of families already know: back-to-school season carries an emotional load of its own, one most parents carry quietly and alone.
The Survey and What It Found
The research, commissioned by mental health provider Rula and conducted by Talker Research between July 10 and July 14, 2026, surveyed 2,000 parents of school-aged children about how the return to school affects them emotionally. The results show parents holding two feelings at once: real excitement for their kids and quiet strain on themselves.
Forty percent of parents admit they put their own mental health on hold for most of the week to focus on their family instead. That shows up as constant self-questioning: 41% wonder if they’re doing enough, 33% feel guilty about losing their patience, and 31% worry they aren’t giving their child enough attention. Parents give their kids an average of four pep talks a week, but reassure themselves far less often. Nearly a quarter say they check in with their own feelings less than once a week.
A quarter of parents said the hardest conversations of back-to-school season aren’t with their kids. They’re with themselves.
The emotional reality is mixed rather than simply negative. Parents report feeling excited for their child’s new experiences (47%), hopeful about what’s ahead (44%), and confident their kids are ready for the next step (42%). Alongside that sits anxiety over whether their child will adjust well (28%), sadness that summer togetherness is ending (28%), and stress over the logistics of getting everything organized (23%).
Just 30% of parents said they’ve found a balance between holding themselves accountable and being patient with themselves. Nearly half, 45%, say they hold themselves accountable but struggle to extend themselves any patience. One in five parents say they always feel alone when working through their own doubts about parenting.
What Experts Say Is Driving This
Dr. Doug Newton, chief medical officer at Rula, points to a gap between how openly people talk about mental health now and how comfortable parents actually feel admitting they’re struggling. “Many parents still feel pressure to appear like they have everything under control,” Newton said. “That expectation can make it harder to acknowledge when they’re struggling and even harder to ask for support.”
That pressure shows up clearly in how parents cope. When doubt creeps in, 40% handle it alone rather than reaching out for help, 33% focus on the day-to-day instead of the bigger question, and 32% stay busy specifically to avoid sitting with the feeling. Only 14% of parents surveyed said they turn to a mental health professional when these moments hit.
Clinical psychologists who study parental stress point to a similar pattern outside this survey: exhaustion, emotional distancing, and doubts about parenting competence tend to build quietly, especially in high-transition periods like the start of a school year, when routines, logistics, and a child’s own adjustment all land on a parent’s plate at the same time. The back-to-school stretch concentrates a lot of change into a short window, and it hits parents right as the more relaxed pace of summer ends.
Among parents who don’t see a therapist, the top reasons were preferring to handle things on their own (21%), concern about cost (20%), and not feeling it was necessary at the time (20%). But among parents who are already in therapy, the coping tools they credit most are mindfulness practices (32%), learning to let go of what’s outside their control (31%), and setting realistic expectations for themselves and their kids (30%).
What This Means for Parents
The clearest signal in this data is a permission problem, not an awareness problem. Parents already know self-care and support matter. What’s harder is believing they’re allowed to use them without it meaning they’ve failed at something. Newton’s advice is direct: “Parents deserve support, too. Whether it’s managing stress, working through self-doubt or simply having someone to talk to, therapy can help parents feel less alone and better equipped to care for themselves and their families.”
Practically, that can look small. Building in one honest check-in with yourself each week, the same way you’d check in with your child after a hard day, gives the feelings somewhere to go instead of building up silently. Leaning on the people already in your corner helps too: partners (37%), friends (33%), and parents’ own parents (32%) were the most common support systems named in the survey, alongside therapists for those already seeing one (32%).
For parents of neurodivergent kids, or kids starting at a new school this year, this stretch tends to run heavier. Extra logistics, extra adjustment worries, and less predictability all add to the load. Naming that directly, rather than measuring yourself against a family whose transition looks smoother, takes some of the pressure off.
None of this requires a dramatic overhaul. A short walk, a text to a friend, ten honest minutes talking about how the week actually felt: these small habits, done consistently, do more for a parent’s mental health than one big gesture done once.
The survey also points to a useful reframe for parents who default to handling everything solo. Talking with a partner, a friend, or a parent about the specific thing that’s hard, rather than a vague “I’m tired,” gives the people around you something concrete to help with. Parents who named a clear support system in the survey, whether a partner, a friend, their own parents, or a therapist, described feeling less isolated in the moments when doubt creeps in. Who that person is counts for less than simply having someone at all.
Watching for your own warning signs counts too. Trouble sleeping, snapping more than usual, dreading routine parts of the day, or feeling numb rather than present with your kids are all signals worth taking seriously rather than pushing through. These are the same kinds of signs professionals look for when identifying burnout, and catching them early tends to be far easier to work through than waiting until exhaustion has been building for months.
For families where money is a factor in whether to see a therapist, community mental health centers, employee assistance programs through work, and sliding-scale therapy directories can lower the cost significantly compared to standard private-pay rates. School counselors can also be a starting point for parents who aren’t sure where to begin. Their primary role is supporting students rather than parents directly, but they often know the local referral options well.
Where the Pressure Hits Hardest
The survey found the top sources of stress cluster around a handful of specific pressure points: showing up consistently for their child, managing work and home life at the same time, financial pressure tied to school costs, and simply getting through daily routines without things falling apart. None of these are new problems, but they land together in a short window at the start of the school year, which is part of what makes the season feel heavier than a typical week.
Parents with more than one child in different grades or different schools described the logistics load as especially heavy, as school start times, drop-off locations, and after-school schedules rarely line up cleanly across siblings. Single parents and parents without nearby family support also reported fewer places to turn when a bad week hits, which lines up with the survey’s finding that one in five parents feel completely alone in these moments.
Working parents face a related, separate strain. Balancing a job with a child’s adjustment period, especially in the first few weeks when a new teacher, new classmates, and a new schedule are all still unfamiliar, means many parents are solving two demanding problems at once with less patience in reserve than they’d like.
The Bigger Trend
This data lands at a moment when conversations about mental health have become far more common in general, yet parents still describe feeling like they have to hold it together in front of their kids. The gap between “talking about mental health is normal now” and “admitting I’m struggling feels safe” hasn’t closed as much as it might seem from the outside.
Back-to-school season packs a lot into a short window: new routines, new expectations, and a child’s own nerves layered on top of a parent’s. The survey suggests most parents are managing that quietly rather than falling apart, but quiet management still has a cost. A parent who checks in on their own feelings with the same care they give their child’s first-day jitters isn’t taking something away from their family. They’re modeling exactly what they hope their kid learns to do too.
The parents surveyed had their own advice for others going through the same stretch, and it lands as a useful reminder for anyone reading the data and recognizing themselves in it. One parent put it simply: parenting is a continuous process with no perfect manual, and giving yourself grace along the way counts as much as giving it to your kids. Another pointed to something smaller and more concrete: put the phone down in the mess-making moments. The tidy house can wait, but the memories can’t be recreated later.