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Most parents who crack down hard on lying believe they are teaching honesty. New research suggests the opposite can happen. A pair of studies from the National University of Singapore, published in the journal Child Development, found that children raised with strict, controlling discipline were more likely to lie and cheat as they grew, not less. In one study, harsh punishment at age seven predicted more deceptive behavior at eight and nine. In another, strict fathering in the preschool years was linked to a higher chance of cheating by age six. The findings cut against a deeply held assumption: that coming down hard on dishonesty stamps it out.
What the Studies Found
The research came in two parts, each following real families over time rather than asking parents to recall behavior after the fact. That longitudinal design is part of what makes the results worth attention.
The first study drew on the Growing Up in Singapore Towards healthy Outcomes cohort, one of the country’s largest birth-cohort studies. Researchers measured parenting styles through a questionnaire when children were about four and a half years old, then tested the same children roughly a year and a half later using a dart game designed to create a tempting chance to cheat. Sixty-one percent of the children cheated. Strict paternal parenting at age four and a half significantly predicted that cheating.
The mechanism the researchers identified was self-criticism. Children with stricter, more controlling fathers tended to be more self-critical during a separate sketching task, and that self-criticism predicted a greater likelihood of cheating. In other words, the pressure did not produce stronger morals. It produced children who felt they had to protect their image, even by bending the rules.
The second study followed 302 Singaporean families with children ages seven to nine. Researchers looked at three forms of what they called negative parental control: harsh punishment, discipline, and ignoring. Of the three, only harsh punishment, which included physical punishment such as slapping and spanking, was linked to more lying and cheating over time. Harsh punishment at age seven predicted increased deceptive behavior at eight, and the pattern continued at nine. The relationship ran both ways. Children’s deception at age eight predicted harsher punishment at nine, pointing to a cycle in which punishment and lying feed each other.
Why Harsh Discipline Can Backfire
The Singapore findings line up with a long line of research on parenting styles. Decades ago, developmental psychologist Diana Baumrind drew a distinction between authoritative parenting, which pairs clear limits with warmth and explanation, and authoritarian parenting, which leans on control and obedience with little warmth or reasoning. Study after study has tied the authoritative approach to better outcomes.
One of the NUS researchers, Associate Professor Ding, described the problem directly. Authoritarian parenting is “characterized by high control, low warmth and harsh discipline without explanation,” she noted, and while parents may believe this instills discipline, “our research shows it may actually undermine children’s internalization of moral values.” That phrase, internalization, is the heart of it. The goal of teaching honesty is not a child who behaves only when watched. It is a child who carries the value inside, even when no one is looking. Harsh control tends to teach the first lesson and skip the second.
There is a fear angle too. When the cost of getting caught is high enough, a child’s strongest motivation becomes not getting caught, which is exactly the skill set lying develops. Researchers also pointed to the role of self-worth. A child who feels they can never measure up may lie to manage how others see them. The punishment does not build character so much as it builds a reason to hide.
Major medical groups have reached similar conclusions about the harshest end of discipline. The American Academy of Pediatrics advises against spanking and other physical punishment, citing evidence that it is ineffective over the long term and linked to increased aggression and other problems, with no benefit to behavior.
What This Means for Parents
None of this says parents should ignore lying or drop expectations. The research points toward a different response, not a softer one. The aim is to keep the standard high while changing the method.
- Explain the rule, not just the consequence. Telling a child why honesty protects trust helps the value take root in a way that “because I said so” cannot.
- Respond to a lie by looking underneath it. A child who lies about homework may be overwhelmed or afraid of disappointing you. Addressing that fear does more than punishment, which research suggests can make the lying worse.
- Drop physical punishment. The study singled out harsh punishment, including spanking, as the form of control most tied to deception over time. Calmer limits, natural consequences, and repair work better and carry no such cost.
- Reward honesty, even when the truth is hard. When a child admits a mistake, thank them for telling you before you deal with the mistake itself. That teaches them that truth-telling is safe.
- Watch your own self-criticism cues. Pairing high standards with constant criticism can leave a child feeling they can never be good enough, the exact pressure the study tied to cheating. Keep warmth in the room alongside the expectations.
Age shapes the approach. Preschoolers often blur fantasy and truth and are not lying in the adult sense, so gentle correction fits better than punishment. School-age children can understand trust and consequences, which makes calm, consistent follow-through more useful than a crackdown. The thread across ages is the same. Connection and explanation build honesty. Fear and force tend to teach concealment.
What Calmer Discipline Looks Like in Practice
Parents reading this may wonder what the alternative is when a child clearly lies. Trading harsh punishment for explanation does not mean letting it slide. It means a steadier sequence. First, stay calm enough that your child is not bracing for an explosion, because fear is what drives the next lie. Then name what happened plainly: “The truth is the homework is not done.” Then connect it to trust rather than to shame: “When you tell me it is finished and it is not, it makes it hard for me to believe you, and I want to be able to.” Finally, deal with the actual problem, whether that means sitting down to finish the work or fixing what the lie covered up.
Picture a common scene. A nine-year-old swears he brushed his teeth, but the toothbrush is bone dry. A parent leaning on harsh punishment might yell or take something away, which teaches the child to wet the brush next time to fake it. A parent using the calmer approach says, “The brush is dry, so I know it did not happen, and that is okay, let’s go do it now,” and later, in a quiet moment, talks about why telling the truth keeps things easy between them. One response teaches a better cover story. The other teaches that honesty is not dangerous.
The Self-Criticism Link Deserves a Second Look
The most striking thread in the first study was not the punishment itself but what it did to how children saw themselves. The kids who cheated more were not simply rebellious. They were more self-critical, more likely to feel they had fallen short. As researcher Yu put it, self-critical children may feel intense pressure to maintain a certain image and to secure approval from others, and cutting a corner can feel like the only way to keep that image intact. That reframes cheating as a self-protection strategy rather than a character flaw. It also explains why piling on more criticism after a lie tends to deepen the very pattern parents are trying to end. A child who already feels not good enough hears each punishment as proof, and the pressure to perform, by any means, climbs.
A Note on What the Research Does and Does Not Say
It is worth keeping the findings in proportion. These studies were conducted with Singaporean families, and parenting norms and expectations vary across cultures, so the exact numbers may not transfer perfectly to every home. The research also shows links over time, not a guarantee that strict discipline causes every lie. Plenty of children raised with firm rules grow up perfectly honest, and a single firm consequence will not doom anyone. What the work does offer is a consistent signal, measured in the same children year after year, that leaning on harsh control and punishment tends to move honesty in the wrong direction. For parents weighing how strict to be, that signal is a useful thing to hold.
The Bigger Picture
What gives this research its weight is the timing. Both studies tracked the same children across years, so they capture how discipline shapes behavior over time rather than in a single tense moment. That makes it harder to dismiss the pattern as coincidence. The takeaway is not that strict parents are bad parents. Most are trying hard to raise honest kids and reaching for the tools they were handed. The research simply suggests that the tools of control and harsh punishment work against the very goal parents want most. Honesty, it turns out, grows best in a home where a child does not feel they have to lie to stay safe or to feel good enough. For more on holding firm limits without harsh control, see our guide on responding to a toddler who hits.